Or not.

Valentine's Day is coming up and, needless to say, I have nothing planned. I know I'm supposed to hate Black Wednesday with its overpriced heart-shaped nonsense and disastrous, forced attempts at "romance" but for some reason it's always been one of my faves. Easter has better candy (I'm talking to you, Cadbury creme eggs) and Christmas has trees, but Valentine's Day has the perfect blend of superficiality and hope that grabs me every time.

Anybody got plans? If I was a guessing gal, I'd say that:
- baldandeffective and his little lady will roll a fattie and hit the clubs, thug-style
- Mr. and Mrs. Babble will chuck the babes at grandma's and take a road trip to Branson to see that Japanese fiddle player
- Buffy will be spotted at the midtown Scientology Center wearing only one boot
- Stef will finally finish up that penis cozy she's been working on for months
- Mr. McWatters will be overheard telling a Starbuck's counterperson to "chillax"
- Lisa P (to whom blogger won't let me link) will cover herself in chocolate and tassles and surprise the hell out of her husband
- Sassy will purchase a pair of tap shoes and announce that she's "gonna make it on the Great White Way!" (Yes, she actually says that.)
- Val eats fifty eggs
- Mare-Mare will unexpectedly announce that she's running for President and then quickly recant after realizing that she did, indeed, inhale
- mom will finally return Sam Shepard's phone calls. Finally.

For those unnamed - faithful readers all - I wish you nothing but candy and roses (or beer and strippers, whatevs) on this most festive of Valentine's Days.