I KNEW this bag was meant for me!

Okay, last post about my bag and then I'll shut up. If you want to see it, go to Coach and look up code 10329. (I got it in brown.) And here's a funny thing - I thought it was called the Hippie Bag. Turns out it's actually called the "ALI LEATHER SHOULDER BAG".

Note that that first word isn't "All"...

I went with the Hippie bag.

After five separate visits to four separate stores, I finally did it - I bought my Coach bag. And it is awesome. It's a special, limited edition bag for Coach's 65th anniversary. Only five stores in the country carry it which makes me feel like a superstar, which is exactly how one should feel when they're spending almost half a thousand dollars on a purse. In fact, when one is spending that kind of cash, I expected a little more razzmatazz. A trumpeteer, maybe. I did pull a tiny diva and sent my bag back three times (the first one was too bumpy; the second one, the leather didn't match) but that was as "Hilton" as I allowed myself to get. I was standing there, waiting to receive my purchase, wondering why nobody was making more of a fuss when I realized that the reason nobody made more of a fuss was because A BILLION PEOPLE BUY COACH BAGS EVERY DAY! In fact, while I was browsing, an elderly gentleman took a shine to me and started chatting me up. While I was debating between the Hippie Bag and the Patent Leather Gallery Tote, the gent started asking me if I liked the bag he was considering. He was trying to find a Secret Santa present for his daughter-in-law. Let me put this in perspective - the man was searching for a $600 gift - and he was worried that she wouldn't like it. (I told him that if she didn't, he needed to find another daughter-in-law.)

Seriously, if I liked retail, Coach is the place to work. Not only do you get commission, but a hefty discount. I'm still eyeballing that gallery tote...

And the winner is...

I want you all to do a little something for me. Go to www.housingworks.org. Click on "Housing Works Thrift Shops" (on the left hand side). Click on "Shop store windows". Check out the window on the right at the 17th Street store. See the loveseat and ottoman? Yeah, I found those on the street in SoHo last week sitting next to a garbage can. I couldn't believe someone was actually throwing them out, seeing as how they were practically brand new, but after 20 minutes (and several covetous glances from passers-by) I hailed myself a cab, hoisted those puppies in the back and hauled 'em home. Don't ask me where I planned on putting an extra loveseat and ottoman; such logistics don't really fit into my motto. ("If it's free, it's for me.") Since I already have a sofa and, according to Matt, my new treasures resembled airport furniture (this coming from a man who, early in our courtship, kept all his clothes in a green plastic tub), I decided to donate my street finds to a worthy cause. I'm not saying my decision had anything to do with the fact that my husband called his entire family in order to mock me. I'm not saying that he called me a dumpster diver. Alls I will say is this - one person's "airport furniture" is another person's FRONT WINDOW DISPLAY! Granted, we don't actually get the money from the auction (it goes to housing for people with HIV and AIDS), but whatever they get from it we can claim come tax time, and mama needs all the write-offs she can get.

I would be lying if I said I didn't feel a little vindicated.

A CALL TO ARMS!

I don't want to scare anyone, but it's supposed to be sixty degrees today.

It's almost January.

Those polar ice caps are melting as we speak, aren't they? A friend of mine came up with a great idea - she's giving these as gifts this year and I'm totally going to follow suit: Compact Fluorescent Light Bulbs. She says that you'd never know they were flourescent, that the glow is really warm and nice. (You can get them at Home Depot.)

"If every American home replaced just one light bulb with an ENERGY STAR, we would save enough energy to light more than 2.5 million homes for a year and prevent greenhouse gases equivalent to the emissions of nearly 800,000 cars." A call to arms, people! This is an easy, inexpensive thing to do. If everyone who reads this goes out and replaces their bulbs with Energy Star bulbs, that's like taking... math skills, please... A LOT OF CARS off the road!

Next up: Buying a battery recharger. Small steps. Small steps.

This one's for the ladies.

I consider myself to be a fairly low-maintenance kind of gal. Before you start reaching for your keyboard, I don't mean low-maintenance in all senses - like emotionally or physically - but, aside from a brief period in high school when I was obsessed with all things Benetton, I've never really been one of those "gotta have it" gals. I'm not an avid collector of shoes. Although I could probably tell you Allure's top mascara pick, I always buy mine at Duane Reade. I wash and reuse plastic baggies and I haven't purchased a single article of clothing at full-price in, yes, years. That said, for the past year I have absolutely coveted - COVETED - a dear friend's Coach handbag. It is a thing of beauty. I always thought designer handbags were just expensive pieces of free advertising, what with all the interlocking C's (hello Chanel) and G's (that's right, Gucci) and tacky LV's (but I forgive you for your steamer trunks, Louis. Those things are awesome) but this bag has none of that. It's simple, classic. And I wanted one. Hard. But, being someone who buys off the sale rack and is easily intimidated by salesgirls (I'm just like "Pretty Woman"!) I knew better than to set foot in a store. Not to mention the fact that Coach's prices start at $118 - for something that's not even a bag! (They call it a "pouch" which is fitting, seeing as how it's only seven inches big.) But last week changed everything. Because last week I recently received what just might be THE BEST PRESENT EVER.

That's right, kids; a gift card to Coach.

I know that I should be wrangling with my conscience over such a consumer-hungry purchase; one that costs as much as a month of health insurance. And yes, I do get all squirrelly about buying from The Gap and refuse to eat meat that doesn't come with a "died smiling, having been treated humanely" guarantee. I have absolutely no need in my life for something this ridiculously overpriced. But if you think that's going to stop me from getting myself the most expensive handbag a gift card can buy, you don't know me at all.

Anyone care to help me pick it out?

More for me, I suppose.

I may have to find a new husband. A few nights ago I brought home Ben and Jerry's Peanut Butter Cup ice cream, the most delicious thing man has ever invented, next to cheese popcorn. I generously allowed my husband to have a bowl, because I'm nice like that. My husband - the man I pledged to love and honor in a church before God and my parents - finished his bowl, came into the living room and... I don't know if I can even say this... called Ben and Jerry's Peanut Butter Cup ice cream "kinda gross".

Did the world just come to a screeching halt for you too? Because I know it did for me.

"KINDA GROSS"?!? I can understand "not really my thing" or "a little rich" perhaps, but what could possibly be gross about smushed up Peanut Butter cups in ice cream? NOTHING! That's what's gross about it! Absolutely nothing!

This has shaken me to the core. Can I continue to share my life with this man?

Sadly, I am not in any way affiliated with 30 Rock or NBC.

I'm going to go ahead and say that 30 Rock is the funniest show on television. Anybody with me on this? Scrubs was #1 in my heart but then they started going all "very special episode" on me (do we HAVE to end every one with a feel-good montage? No - no we don't), not to mention the fact that Zach Braff is leaving the show. But 30 Rock manages to make me laugh OUT LOUD at least once an episode. How many shows can you say that about? Chances are you watched the first episode and chances are you felt a little meh about it. But trust me, the shit's gotten hella funnier. Tracy Morgan? The man never had a single funny moment on Saturday Night Live! Who knew he was a comedy genius? (Tina Fey, that's who.) If you're afraid you won't know what's going on, here's the skinny: Tina Fey is the executive producer of a television show. Alec Baldwin is her boss. He hires Tracy Morgan - a somewhat insane B-level film star - to up the ratings. Hilarity ensues.

NBC is moving it to the primo Thursday night spot (after "The Office"). I suggest you stop by for a look. Now if you're the type that enjoys laugh tracks or "Yes, Dear" then this show may not be for you, but if you don't at least crack a smile, I'll give you your money back.

I'm awesome yet again!

For those in T-town, my latest story was in today's paper. Feel free to paste it on your fridge.

Would you follow this man?

'Tis the season! I live a few blocks away from Times Square, which means A) You can't get near my house on New Year's Eve, B) Roughly every third person seems to be visiting from Texas and C) The Scientologists are out in full force. They set up shop all along 42nd Street offering free "stress tests" during rush hour, crowding the (already overstuffed) sidewalks. (Quick aside: In New York they offer "stress" tests; in LA they're "personality" tests. Can't say the Scientologists don't know their audience.) Frankly I've never understood why a New Yorker would want to take a stress test; I know exactly how much stress I'm under. But I never fail to see at least one poor sucker strapped into their makeshift lie-detector test or being forced to listen to a hard-sell over a copy of Dianetics. I walked past the tables a few days ago just in time to hear this little pep talk:

"So TODAY we have something REALLY COOL! We're having a CONTEST to see who can sell 30 BOOKS! Isn't that FUN!?!"

Oh yeah. Fun.

I cannot tell a lie - I've maybe been tempted to stop and take the test (just for the story-telling possibilities, I swear) but frankly, I'm a little weak minded. I just know that somehow they'd worm their way into my brain and I'd be rendered incapable of mockery.