"Hoiman! You a veiwy bad WOIM!" (eh?)

Day 3: Halifax

Once we realized that we could skip Carnival's exorbantly priced "excursions" and just hit the local tourism board, we made like a local and hopped a ferry to Fisherman's Cove. Fisherman's Cove is a tiny former fishing village that was abandoned and turned into a tourist trap. But it was less touristy than the other traps, so we oohed and aahed over the requisite lobster magnets and maple sugar ("Beaver tail!", "Puffin droppings!") candy. I asked a cute young craftsman where the locals ate and he recommended a dandy fish and chips place. We were seated at the exact same table where Christina Applegate and her under-famous hubby filmed some made-for-television weeper, which was kind of fun.

We also saw the Titanic exhibit at the Maritime Museum. The bulk of the recovery came from Halifax so there were some amazing artifacts - menu cards, a perfectly preserved wooden deck chair, descriptions used to identify the bodies (male, 40's, brown hair, wearing silk pajamas under a gray woolen suit. Even during a trauma people kept their dignity.) I was amazed at the ticket prices - First class cost $1,169! (In 1912! That would be like $20,000 today.) Surprisingly, 2nd class only cost $109 and third class was slightly less at $102 (of course, they were barred from the lifeboats...)

Who can forget Carnival Cruiseline's Guest Talent Show. Fan-freaking-tastic! First up, an enthusiastic 16 year old belting "Sweet Home Alabama", followed by a guy playing "Wind Beneath My Wings" on keyboard. Then there was an elderly Asian man warbling "Smoke Gets In Your Eyes" (so sincere! so off-key!) and an adolescent hipster dreaming of rockstardom. (The love-struck yelps coming from the Camp Carnival 'tweens will keep his ego stroked for years.) There was also an old Irish guy singing "Danny Boy" (of course) and a bleach blond Bridge-and-Tunnel type doing her rendition of "Killing Me Softly", followed by a tiny Irishman trilling "Carolina In The Morning" ("Nothing could be finer than to be in Carolina in the mooooorning!") complete with bouncy hip thrusts. I'm pretty sure he was drunk. The hands-down winner was a 4 year old from Philly who brought the house down with his tale of Herman the Worm (or in his case "Hoiman de Woim") who ate "all de pizza in da woild, and all de cookies in da woild, and all de licorice in da woild"- and then proceeded to poop it all out.