I hear Starbucks is hiring.

I spent a few weeks back home in the Heartland and had a good time. Watched a lot of TV. A lot of TV. A lot. I also discovered my dream job: Hosting the Travel Channel's "Great Hotels". The host travels around the world staying in GREAT HOTELS. She admires the lobby, explores her suite (she's always staying in a suite), gets a massage or facial, eats free hotel food, and looks really cute doing it. In other words, all the things I really, really like to do. Now the host, Samantha Brown, is great. I totally enjoy her and wish her nothing but success, but I will cut her like a guppy if it means I get a cabana boy. Seriously, how great a job is this?!

Not as great as Samantha Brown's other job, hosting "European Passport". On this show, Samantha travels to Europe, explores the city, buys stuff, eats pastry, and (of course) stays in GREAT HOTELS! All of which I'm incredibly good at! It seems to me that there aren't enough good jobs to go around and she shouldn't get to hog them all. I thought about pitching a younger, hipper version of this show but then I realized that I'm not actually that young or hip and they'd probably hire some Carmen Electra-ish, "Wanna do shots?" boobette and I'd be screwed.

Where's the justice?