Advice for the ladies

This message is for all you ladies out there. Fellas (especially dad) or those who get squeamish hearing about "women things", move along. There's nothing for you here.

Okay, now that we're alone, a word of advice: Just because your husband has a beard trimmer, doesn't mean it's for use on your dirty, dirty down-there. If you attempt to use it "just this once" without one of those snap-on length guide thingies - the plastic pieces that let you choose the length you want - be warned: the thing has a mind of its own. And that mind wants you to bald. Bald as a ping-pong ball. B-A-L-D, bald. Like a hairless cat.

I'm not saying that I now resemble a plucked chicken, I'm just saying.