Ouch.

Sorry folks, I ain't got much today. I've been burning the candle at so many ends, I don't even have a freaking candle anymore. Today was the first day I've slept past 6 am in... well, far too long. My mother got up at 6 am without (much) complaint every morning for most of my adolescence but I'm made of whinier stuff. It's all good - complaining about being excessively in demand deserves an overly dramatic eyeball roll - but that doesn't change the fact that I don't have shit to write about here.

That said, I've been halfheartedly following the Paris Hilton/Shanna Moakler slapdown saga for the past few days. Seems that Paris has been seen macking on Shanna ("Dancing With The Stars") Moakler's soon-to-be ex husband, Blink 182's Travis Barker, and Shanna either did or did not slap the shit out of the heiress, depending on who you ask. None of this interests me in the least, except for the fact that I may have caught a few episodes of Travis and Shanna's MTV series "Meet The Barkers" and couldn't help but notice the practically life-sized inking of Shanna's pretty face right in the center of her soon-to-be ex husband's throat. The man tattooed his soon-to-be ex wife's face ON HIS THROAT. Say what you will about Tori Spelling's husband's truly gawdawful tat of Tori on his tricep (ah, alliteration) but putting somebody's face on your throat... First off, that shit HAD to hurt. Second, if your face is tattooed at roughly eye level, could you continue making eye contact? I wouldn't be able to tear my eyes away and I SURE AS HELL wouldn't be able to continue making sweet soon-to-be ex wife love to the man, what with my face staring back at me all tiny and distorted. And third, if I were Paris Hilton, would I be able to make out with a guy with his soon-to-be ex wife's face staring back at me? Apparently yes I would.

This is why it's probably for the best that I'm not a hotel heiress.