As my cousin Balky used to say...

I've developed this adorable little habit recently. It's not something I often talk about because, frankly, I'm afraid you'll think less of me. Granted, my habit doesn't sound that bad compared to shooting old people or chopping up monkeys but it's starting to get a little out of control and I think I might need some tough love to snap out of it.

I'm obsessed with Googling my competitors.

Anybody else do this? I can't be alone in this, right? After I've read my email and skimmed the celeb-u-rags, I take a roll through my mental rolodex and indulge in a little good, old fashioned masochism.

That girl in my commercial class who makes me bristle? ("What've YOU booked lately, bitch?") That chick from college who was never very good but has managed to book some of the best TV jobs around? ("YOU'RE GUEST STARRING ON THAT SHOW FEATURING MY FAVORITE TELEVISION DOCTOR?! Noooooooo!") My idiot of an ex? (Hey, why not?)

I'm not sure why I do this. Let me stress: I get no satisfaction from it. (Well, sometimes a little satisfaction... followed by the crushing fear that karma's coming after me with a net.) If they're doing better than me (which, sadly, they often are) then I'm left with a raging case of jealousocticus enrageious (followed by the requisite hour-long talk down). If they're doing worse, I've got karma on my ass. It's a lose-lose! (That said, I wonder what happened to the chick who won "Most Talented" back at Topeka West High...)

There's got to be a better way to channel my down-time.