Ha-HA!

Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, OOH! Because I don't read the news or watch the news or know anything newsish, I rely on people like Dan to fill me in on stuff like this: Apparently Stephen Colbert gave this speech (in character, from the Colbert Report) at some Press Corps dinner thing and damn if he didn't do this with Dubya RIGHT THERE! A few of my favorite moments:

COLBERT: "I believe the government that governs best is the government that governs least. And by these standards, we have set up a fabulous government in Iraq."

"Most of all, I believe in this president. Now, I know there are some polls out there saying this man has a 32% approval rating. But guys like us, we don't pay attention to the polls. We know that polls are just a collection of statistics that reflect what people are thinking in "reality." And reality has a well-known liberal bias."

"I stand by this man. I stand by this man because he stands for things. Not only for things, he stands on things. Things like aircraft carriers and rubble and recently flooded city squares. And that sends a strong message, that no matter what happens to America, she will always rebound -- with the most powerfully staged photo ops in the world. "

"Everybody asks for personnel changes. So the White House has personnel changes. Then you write, "Oh, they're just rearranging the deck chairs on the Titanic." First of all, that is a terrible metaphor. This administration is not sinking. This administration is soaring. If anything, they are rearranging the deck chairs on the Hindenburg!"

"Jesse Jackson is here, the Reverend. Haven't heard from the Reverend in a little while. I had him on the show. Very interesting and challenging interview. You can ask him anything, but he's going to say what he wants, at the pace that he wants. It's like boxing a glacier. Enjoy that metaphor, by the way, because your grandchildren will have no idea what a glacier is."

"By the way, Senator McCain, it's so wonderful to see you coming back into the Republican fold. I have a summer house in South Carolina; look me up when you go to speak at Bob Jones University. So glad you've seen the light, sir."

And yes, Bush was pissed. P-I-S-S-E-D. Which is about sixteen different kinds of perfect, if you ask me.