Spent a lovely weekend with Matt's niece Amanda while she was in town. Looks like she might be moving to NYC sometime soon which excites me to no end. (FREE BABYSITTING!) Because I like to show visitors how exciting New York can be, we decided to take her out on the town. Or more specifically, we decided to take her around the corner to the AMC to see Knocked Up. (Don't say we didn't show you a good time, kid!) I was sort of thinking I'd wait until this was Netflixable since I usually require a little spectacle for my $11, but let me just say that this movie IS GENIUS. Genuine hilarity. True, someone in the theater may have burst into tears during the labor scene (I'm not saying that person was me) but c'mon, can you blame... that person? Labor? REALLY FUCKING SCARY. Think about it: the pain is supposed to be so intense women actually poop themselves. And they don't care.
I WILL NEVER NOT CARE ABOUT POOPING MYSELF!
That said, go see it. (You can also find some heeelarious deleted scenes on the YouTube.)
posted by Ali @ 9:34 AM
8 Comments:
I am going to ask you about caring after the birth of your child. At the time I promise you, you will not give a shit. (Ok you will technically give or rather leave a shit, but you know what I mean>)
SEE?! Tons of pain! That does not make me feel better!
True... you will not care at that point, but fortunately, it is not the pain which will make you poop.
It's the fact there is a very large baby head making its way through your ladyparts, thereby filling all available space, pushing out any other such foreign materials filling aforementioned ladyparts.
At least the nursing staff are nice and clean you up right away should such an incident occur. Keeps the baby clean, and no embarrassing visuals for mom.
Your only way around it: emergency (my first) or planned c-section (my twins-this Sept.).
Personally, I don't necessarily recommend it as a way of avoiding voiding your bowels in a hospital, while being watched by a team of birthing folks, but it is a way around it!
However, the pain? Very bad. Mind-bending was the term that I used at the time, before I was given an epidural. You will lose all sense of modesty when in that much pain and poop just doesn't enter the equation about things you will care about in the moment.
My friend Misty gave birth to an 11lb 6oz boy, withOUT drugs, and let me tell you, she didn't give a damn about anything, other than getting him out.
You ladies really should stop scaring Ali. She's liable to change her mind!
Yup it hurts like a m%%$*&^#@!(, however the end result is worth it and my other promise is that you will say not long after the fact that you would do it again. Truthfully by the time the pooping happens you are not so much noticing the pain as you are focused on getting the baby out. You likely won't even know that you have pooped, and it is taken away super fast. Remember too that there are lots of lovely drugs to help reduce the pain, and you are under no obligation to do the birth without them. What helped me get through was the thought that with each contraction I was closer to the end and getting to hold my baby. (I believe that idea was developed in to some kind of chant at the end of the process, details are fuzzy now) and I would never have to experience that particular contraction again.
Or you can just curse like a sailor.
Oh I'm doing the drugs. I'M DOING THE DRUGS.
I wasn't in pain while pooping. The drugs were rockin. I could tell 'each time' I made a deposit because the nurse would hurry and change the absorbant towel thingy. I was lucid enough to joke that we needed to head to ER for a c-section because I'm pretty sure that was meconium.
Of course, the joke lost its edge when I really did end up in the ER with a c-section...after 27 hours of labor and 2 hours of pushing (which really wasn't bad either). Turns out my princess was a little too petite to get the job done. This next baby will be a c-section the week before Turkey Day.
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