These are the questions that keep me up at night.

We have another fish. That makes our total pet count at 4, which by some standards is probably pretty low. Still, 2 cats and 2 fish seems just a few steps too close to an accident waiting to happen. Along with Bill, we now welcome Joe.

What's that, geeky husband? Oh, right...

Along with Betta Ray Bill, we now welcome Salty Joe.

What have I married into?

I've never understood people that are convinced that their tiny pets have personalities. Cats and dogs, sure. Certain birds, even. (If they can talk, they count. They also scare me.) But rodents? (They eat their young!) Fish? (They... swim!) Not big in the brain department, if you get my drift.

That said, my fishies have personalities. Which, while adorable, kind of weirds me out.

Salty Joe is a grump. He's blue and has a craggy little face. Although no one can know how old a betta is, Joe has clearly done a few laps around the ol' swimming pond. He rests a lot. When he's not resting, he's puffing. That Joe is fishing for a fight! If a fish could sit on a front porch with a shotgun, it'd be Joe.

Betta Ray Bill is a perky little guy. He's bright red and very shiny. Bill wiggles. He swooshes. He dances and shimmies and gets really, really excited when he sees us. (Apparently bettas can distinguish between their owners and other people. How scientists tested that, I'll never know.) He almost never puffs (unless it's dark and he thinks we're a shark) and he rarely sleeps. (Do fish sleep? They have to, right?)

A quick interjection: Matt just stopped me from feeding the guys because I was about to feed Joe the wrong food. Was Joe sick? Did he need special, medicated food?

"He likes this food better."

HE'S PICKY?!

Fish don't get to be picky! Do fish even have taste buds? Matt just tried to convince me to feed Bill the "fancy" food but I put my foot down. One picky fish does not two picky fish make! We're not going down that path. Pretty soon it's "Why don't we feed the children filet mignon? They like it better!" Matt will not be in charge of feeding the kids, that's for damn sure.

Fish likes one food better. People please.

Anyway, all this personality-having and food-preferencing seems to indicate that perhaps fish are sentient. And if that's the case, how can I continue eating them? (Not that I eat them very often, what with all the mercury, but still.) There's been some recent debate about whether or not lobsters feel pain (chefs are now coming down on the side of "perhaps") and some chefs are now finding alternatives to boiling them alive. (I believe the new method is to use their uber-sharp chef knife to pierce their brain for instant, theoretically pain-free death.) I realize that feeling pain and being intelligent are two different things but... where was I going with this?

Anyway, two fish now.