Set phasers to "Freak"

So I've been reading this book about the Big Bang. Shit is crazy. How come they couldn't make physics interesting in high school? C'mon, light years? Amazing! The fact that we feel solid when we're actually not? Amazing! The idea that there was nothing - not light not dark not nothing but nothing - before the Bang? Amazing! And am I the only idiot who didn't realize that dinosaurs were around for 193 million years? I mean I knew they were around for awhile but I thought it was closer to like a million years. No, no. 193 MILLION YEARS! Craaaaazy!

Speaking of crazy, with all this hubub about the Tomtot, it's easy to forget that the man has two other kids. Poor bastards. They've got a nutter for a father and an absent, Botoxed wonder for a mom. I guess that's what therapy is for.

Oh wait...

Speaking of crazy (once again) starting tomorrow, no sugar or caffeine. I'm feeling a little anxious about it, I ain't gonna front. I plan on polishing off the bag of Newman's Own sandwich cookies and then cleaning out the cupboards. I know Val weaned herself off slowly but I'm more of an all-or-nothing gal. If there's room to cheat then by golly I will. I suspect I'll hate life for a few weeks and then feel great. Although when I first moved to LA I did one of those whole body cleanses where you eliminate all allergy producing substances (wheat, dairy, fats, sugar, caffeine) and everybody kept telling me I'd feel spectacular and I kept waiting and waiting and waiting to feel anything other than intensely, mind-numbingly angry. (It probably didn't help that I was working at a bakery.) Finally a co-worker went next door to the pizza shop, bought a bag of garlic knots and shoved one into my mouth.

Hopefully it'll go better this time.