Lemme tell you how it's done

Sorry about the lacksadaisical posting; computer went ka-blooey for a few days amd the weather's been nice. (A girl's gotta take advantage of the gloriousness before temps soar and the city starts its summer stinkfest.)

I swear, during these first few days of nice weather New Yorkers lose their freaking minds. It's like they're so thrilled not to be bundled head to toe in Polartec that they forget that they're still required to wear clothes. Which would be okay (if a bit ego mangling) if the city were populated by models, but the people wearing the least amount of clothing always seem to be the people who should think twice. I don't care if your stomach is flat as the Midwestern prairie, unless you're a toddler I don't want to see your tummy.

- Flip flops
I fully cop to committing this fashion faux pas. Last summer I wore my chocolate brown flappers up and down the avenue. Sure my feet were filthy and calloused and covered in dog piss and garbage and dirt and muddy, bacteria-laden gutter water but dammit, I was cool.

I have seen the error of my ways. Nobody's feet should ever - EVER - come that close to the streets. It's just nasty.

- Pantyhose with open-toed sandals
Tourists, I'm talking to you.

- Bare midriffs
I don't care if they're pierced or tattooed or bedazzled, see above.

- No bra
Why? Seriously, why? It isn't sexy unless you're on a catwalk, in a movie, or on a photo shoot where they can be professionally wrangled. Not only is it tacky but ladies, proper support helps keep the girls from sagging later in life. Think of the future!

(And yes, I know I could rag on frat boys with their open-air crotch grabbing and backwards baseball caps or the wannabe gangstas with their stupid baggy-ass pants (when will that trend be done?) but I'll save that for another day.)

My job here is done. For now.