Anybody got a spare ark?

It's been raining for 19 days straight and frankly, I am done. I can't get motivated to do anything because I know I'm going to be soggy the minute I leave the apartment and that my $3 umbrella is going to blow inside-out and its only use will be for the imaginary beatings I give to the cabbies who splash me with filthy, nasty street water. All I want to do is sit by a fire. Instead, I sit in front of the TV and watch Laguna Beach while eating bean with bacon soup. (For which I have a killer recipe, yo.) I have high hopes for each day - plans involving sending out "thank you for donating" cards and "please give me work" cards and knock-'em-sock-'em pitch letters to Cat Fancy - but by the time I haul myself down to the gym and go all the way over to the East side to pick up the herbs from my acupuncturist that are supposed to get my blood moving and reduce heat (?), none of it seems to happen. And then Laguna Beach is on again.

I need a job.