You win this time, Cipriani!

If it isn't already abundantly clear, I like to buy stuff. I especially like to buy stuff if: A) it's fancy, and B) it's on sale. So when I wandered into Williams-Sonoma over the weekend to peruse their 50% off table, it was safe to say I was gonna leave with something. Did I fall for the really delicious pumkin and walnut dipping oils, offered at a fraction of their original price? Or was I wooed by the pretty jars of giant olives, perfect for snacking? No, friends, I did not. Instead I went for something even stupider.

Tomato sauce.

"But Alisha", you might ask, "what could possibly be stupid about tomato sauce? In fact, compared to dipping oil and enormous olives, tomato sauce seems downright practical!" Aye, there's the grabber. PRACTICAL. I, too, was lured by the possibilty of something better than Newman's Own. And this particular sauce sported a name that had me at whatever's Italian for "hello": CIPRIANI. One of the most expensive dining establishments in my fair city (don't even think of getting married there) , Cipriani has recently launched a line of high-end sauces. According to their website: "Over the last 20 years, on the basis of the mistaken assumption that sauces are only used to cover the taste of food that is not fresh, condiments have almost been banned from the table. We are convinced that this is a mistake. There is a long tradition behind the preparation of sauces and this should not be lost. Sauces exist to enrich, ennoble and exalt the taste of a whole range of dishes. Pasta, for one, tastes even better when it is served with the right sauce. Chicken, red meat, fish and lobster can be prepared in a number of different ways to simple boiling or grilling and this is all thanks to the right choice of sauce. For young chefs, the sauce is a lesson in imagination, a road that leads to the art of real cooking."

Sounds good, right? And (originally) priced at $11 a jar, I figured this was some special sauce. So I decided to check out the ingredients, to see if I could steal a secret ingredient or two.

Ingredients: Tomatoes

That's it. No salt, no herbs - just tomatoes. I was so startled by this lack of stuff that I actually called over a Williams-Sonoma employee to confirm that I wasn't missing something. After looking at me like I was a particularly annoying small dog and offering a briskly sing-songed, "Well, let's look at the list of INGREDIENTS, shall we?", she quickly ate her tone and started chucking at the audacity of slapping $11 on a jar of plain, pureed tomatoes.

So of course I had to buy it. The curiousity would have haunted me for seconds - nay, minutes! - had I not. $11 tomatoes! Surely they were the best damn tomatoes ANYONE HAD EVER GROWN!

Nope. Tasted exactly like a jar full of pureed tomatoes. A baby wouldn't have eaten that crap.

Still, I take some comfort in the fact that some poor schlub is paying $25 for a plate full. At least I only got took for $4.99.