They left out "Schedule twice-weekly therapy sessions" and "Slit wrists"

For those of you who hate your jobs, you could be doing this. (Taken from the good folks at Gawker.com)

" We remember reading this New York article about The Outsourced Parent a while back and being impressed by the creativity of its central conceit -- a subtle jab at the way many New York-area businesspeople let other people perform more and more of the basic tasks involved in childrearing, dressed up as a service piece. Surely, though, we thought, no one actually does delegate every single responsibility involved in having a family to an outsider.

And then we saw this job posting and realized that sometimes, we are so fucking naive. Choicest bits after the jump.

Hello All,

A managing partner of a rapidly expanding $4 billion hedge fund (a multi-strategy credit opportunity fund that specializes in credit analysis and credit-related investments) located in Southern Fairfield County, CT is seeking an extremely organized, time efficient Personal Assistant/Executive Assistant who can take charge of the day-to-day functioning of the family and home office.In addition to thriving in a business setting, the Personal Assistant must also enjoy working with children. You would work in the hedge fund office and also in the Managing Partner's home--both located in Southern Fairfield County, CT. Overall, the Managing Partner is seeking someone who feels intense ownership of the people she is supporting--and views herself as a professional who eagerly goes the extra mile.

Children Responsibilities

* Sign children up for extracurricular activities
* Maintain children's activity calendar in Excel (Fall/Winter/Spring/Summer)
* Assist with car rides for the children
* Schedule medical appointments for the children
* On occasion - run errands pertaining to the children
o Book store
o Pharmacy
o Clothing Stores
o Party Supply Stores
* Organize and execute Birthday Parties for the children
o Develop theme
o Order the cake (make sure it is peanut/nut free)
o Determine food options (make sure completely peanut/nut free)
o Decorate
o Actively participate during the party
* Work one on one with Recruiters to hire nannies, tutors and instructors
o Fill out paperwork
o Conduct first round interview
o Keep a binder (of all resumes viewed)
o Determine if the family should meet with the candidate"

Apparently it goes on and on. I tried to look up the ad but it was deleted (hopefully from shame). Seriously, why even bother to procreate?