I place you under arrest for being pathetic.

Apparently "act politically incorrect in public" is this season's dog-in-a-handbag; THE must-have accessory for B (and now D)-list celebs. Career a little slumpy? Heckle a black man! (Hello, Kramer.) Haven't been famous since... Wait, when were you famous? Still, go ahead and trade obscenities with a stranger - you've got nothing to lose! (It worked for Mel! Look at the numbers on Apocolyptico!) Just make sure you notify your publicist so that they can beg someone at Yahoo to tack it onto today's entertainment section so that you can finally have that shot at The Surreal Life. Wait, you were already on The Surreal Life? Never mind.