An open to letter to Jessie, the kid across the hall

Dear Jessie,

Please get up in the morning.

I know it's cold and dark and you'd like nothing better than to stay in bed. I know that the idea of sleeping through your first two classes seems cool since you're a young teen and all and studies have shown that teens need almost as much sleep as toddlers, but please - for the love of Pete - just get up. Because if you don't get up, your nightmare of a mother will just keep screaming and screaming and screaming in her ear piercing, Asian-inflected, only-dogs (and-nice-peaceful-neighbors) can-hear-it shreak until you do.

Every morning we go through this. Hell, every night we do too. (Although at night it's usually about you being a "fack up!" even though you seem like a really nice kid.) We know you hate her. Hell, we do too. She's got a pinched face and never smiles or says hello no matter how many times you say it while passing in the hall but Jessie please - just. get. up.

Seriously. Dude. She'll shut up if you just get up.