If you don't have something nice to say, let me hear it.*

So I was reading the gossip pages yesterday and came across a sweet little story about how Jessica Simpson likes having people play with her butt.

Which led me to wonder - how do people find this stuff out? Assuming it's true that is (which I will because it's more fun that way). I mean, how? This story first came out when she was messing around with that Jackass guy and now that she's "canoodling" (best word next to "kerfuffel") with the lead singer from Maroon 5, it's started up again. Sure, people enjoy all kinds of things in the boudoir. More power to 'em! But if I were Jessica, I'd be hiding under the couch. People shouldn't know that stuff! And if they're making it up, how weird is that?! "Hmmm, let's say that Ashley Olsen likes to do bad things to dauschunds"! I mean that'd be fantastic to read but seriously, how do these stories get out?

(*My new motto, compliments of Terry O'Quinn's SAG Award acceptance speech.)