Where's MY damn Oscar?

I keep almost meeting Hilary Swank. At a voiceover audition last week the casting director came bustling out to whisper that we "might see Hilary today"! Apparently her husband Chad auditions quite a bit for this casting woman and Hilary often tags along. I was planning on hanging out after my appointment to see if I could catch a glimpse but I crashed and burned at the mike and I just wanted to escape. (It was for Stayfree - yes, Stayfree - and I was supposed to sound like a mother of three. Scratch that - a mother of three on the rag. The copy was awful - anyone who can make factoids about "odor and wetness protection" sound like casual conversation deserves the damn job. PLUS I was following Jessica Hecht. Who, you ask, is Jessica Hecht? Remember that little show "Friends"? Remember how Ross had a lesbian wife, and that lesbian wife had girlfriend with long, curly brown hair? That's Jessica Hecht. She works all. the. time. Trust me, you don't want to follow a celebrity, no matter how minor. Not that it mattered because I was so bad that the casting director wouldn't even put me on tape. After the rehearsal take she was quiet for a bit then said that I wasn't "feeling it" and that, as they say, was that.)

So no Hilary.

Then yesterday I was getting my hair cut at the Aveda Institute ($18 a cut! Best deal in Manhattan.) and the students were all a-twitter because, you guessed it, Hilary was coming in to get a cut. I was like, "Doesn't she make enough money to go to a real salon?" but apparently she was getting it done by some master stylist. She was supposed to come in at 4:30 and (again) I wanted to wait around but my coif turned out a little... less than. I have a cotton ball on my head. I met my friend Chintamani for coffee today down on the LES (that's "Lower East Side" for the Kansans) and a guy sitting next to me leaned over to tell me that he had been admiring my hair-do and that ("Don't take this the wrong way!") it reminded him of SHIRLEY TEMPLE.

Is there any other way to take that than the wrong way?

ANYWAY, I decided not to stick around. Although who knows? Maybe Hilary would've wanted to touch the puff.