It BURNS!
Ah yes, the Prevacid shoot. It was an early call but they plied me with with expensive breakfast foods (unaffordable smoked salmon, how I love thee) which chippered me up right quick. I hung out with the ad folk most of the morning (F.Y.I., all ad guys look the same: White. Bald. Tired.) listening to them debate whether "It burns" or "It's burning" was stronger text. Since it was a child's photograph they were using, "It's burning" was nixed due to it's association with genital issues.
Have you seen the ads? (The ones running in magazines now show three women in bowling shirts looking various stages of icky.) The photog is some famous German fashion guy who shoots with a wide angle lens. Apparently the distortion and creepiness is intentional which is nice change from all the other soft-focus, “look how happy!” medication ads (the ones where people who are clinically depressed or suffering from herpes all suddenly go canoeing). At first the photographer wanted me to look like I was in a scene from The Birds (“Oh my Gott! Dere iz… BIRTS behind you!”) so I gave it my best Hitchcock Blonde, but since I’ve never seen the movie I’m not sure I even came close. After much furrowed-brow discussion amongst the ad men over my Polariods it was decided that I should convey something a little less panicked, something more like, “I’ve stopped drinking coffee, doctor. What else can I do?”
I want you to go to your mirror and practice that for a minute. Then show me what the hell that face looks like.
We spent two hours just doing Polaroids. (Much discussion, many furrowed brows…) Apparently I’m a walking cartoon because they kept telling me to “make it more real” or not to show any expression at all (“but more than that”). My favorite was when the photographer pursed his lips together and told me to make my jaw muscle move, like Tom Cruise. I kept mushing my lips together, trying to make something move but then he’d start yelling about not moving the rest of my face, "ONLY MOOF DE MUSCLE!" and, and... no. We shot TWENTY-EIGHT rolls of film (that’s after the two hours of Polaroids) until the photographer finally gave up. Hell, I ran out of faces by the second roll.
I should start running in magazines next month. There will be probably be a teal background, flames around my face, and a look of exhaustion.
posted by Ali @ 1:29 PM
3 Comments:
Those damned Germans are so overly dramatic! I've seen "The Birds" a number of times and everybody's facial expressions are either a) unseen because they're covering their heads to avoid getting pecked to death, or b)bloody as hell from getting pecked to death. Bad direction. Also, I tried the "I've given up coffee but I my stomache still hurts" look in the mirror and I just looked constipated. Again, bad direction.
Wow. Mike could pass for an ad exec? Too bad he doesn't work as hard as they do. Too bad he doesn't work, period. But enough about MY troubles.
I've had GERD symptoms and burning is only PART of the discomfort. It also awakens you during the night with a feeling as if a sumo wrestler is standing on your chest. If I had to look like I'd given up coffee, I'd probably look more pissed off than uncomfortable.
Wide angle lense? That's supposedly one of the WORST lenses a photographer can use when shooting photos of PEOPLE. What's next? Panoramic views of people's faces? Jeez, man.
Any clue as to what magazines will be running the ad?
OOPS. Before Dan has a chance to point out my misspelling, I am fully aware that I misspelled lens. It's merely a typo. I know there's no such word as "lense". It's a common typo for me. I think I'm trying to type "lenses" and don't get as far as that last "s".
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