Ohm

On Friday I had an audition for an AOL commercial. The spot took place in a yoga class so the waiting room was filled with lithe young women exuding unnerving amounts of preternatural calm. Since competitiveness is frowned on in yogic circles (the karma!), everyone just sat around looking stoned, cooing soothingly about "their practice". ("I don't even notice how it makes my body look, I'm just in it for the bliss...")

We filed in and met the casting director, a refreshingly real Gal Friday-type who started sizing us up for character assignments. The lines were -

"What about viruses?"
"What about spam?"
"What about my kids?"
and
"I can't swim!"

At first she tried to give me the "What about spam?" line but quickly realized that my brilliance is of the panicky kind and switched me to the much more ham-able "I can't swim". I suspect the other girls were so busy out zenning each other that they were unable to muster the appropriate amounts of adorable anxiety to compete with me, the SHAOLIN MASTER.

Stay tuned.